A woman’s decision to attend a Taylor Swift concert rather than stay with her sister-in-law, who had recently lost her mother, has sparked a heated debate on Reddit‘s popular r/AmItheA****** subreddit.
The anonymous poster, u/Lower-Let9945, shared her predicament, saying that her brother’s wife had lost her mom shortly before she was scheduled to travel for the concert. Despite her sister-in-law’s requests for her to stay, the poster went ahead with her plans, which had been organized for over a year. Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this story.
Lower-Let9945 said that she had been looking forward to Swift’s Eras Tour stop in Indianapolis for over a year. In the last few days, she said she had been supporting her grieving sister-in-law, Grace, including helping with household chores, providing meals, and offering to take time off to support Grace upon her return.
Grace, however, was disappointed and angry that the poster was still going to the concert. “She couldn’t believe I could still think about a concert when she has just become an orphan with no one in the world but our family,” the Reddit user wrote. She added that Grace even said she hoped people would abandon the poster in her own time of grief. Despite feeling conflicted, the poster boarded her flight to the concert, asking the Reddit community, “Am I the a****** for still going on this trip?”
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The post has since gone viral. Thousands have commented on the moral dilemma, with the majority telling the woman she should still go on the trip.
Square-Minimum-6042, defended the poster’s actions and wrote: “You put yourself out to help her quite a bit before you resumed your own life … I’m starting to understand why she does not have many friends. Grief is painful, but it does not absolve her from being courteous.”
Another commenter, PopularComfortable38, posted: “You helped her but you’ve had these plans for a year. Don’t feel guilt … sounds like she has some issues of her own causing people not to want to be around her.”
Jill McMahon is a grief specialist and author of Bulletproof—Healing After Gun Violence & Trauma: A Guide for Survivors, Caregivers, and Clinicians. She told Newsweek that grief can often lead to unexpected emotional responses. “For some families, the behavior of this woman to follow through with her long-awaited plans would be understood, and for other families, it could be deemed as egregious,” McMahon said.
She added that the grieving process often disrupts rational thinking. “In those moments of shock and fear, the griever may lash out or make hurtful comments. Our brains don’t function in a rational manner when we are in a state of shock; instead, fight or flight rules the day.”
But McMahon also pointed out the potential consequences of the poster abandoning her trip to the Eras Tour. “If the woman chose to stay home with her sister-in-law, because she felt as if she had no real choice, then I suspect that a resentment associated with the mom’s death would bubble just below the surface for years to come,” she said.
McMahon added that the poster should go on the trip but remain in contact. “Stay connected; check in. Provide support regardless if it is received well or not. The pain will still be there in a few days when you return home. Unfortunately, that is how grief works,” McMahon said.
“When you really need to show up for that friend who is bereaved is three to six weeks down the road, when the dust will have settled, the shock will be wearing off, and other well-wishers will have faded away.”