‘I Had Twins at 40, I Hate What I Get Called’

I was lying on a hospital bed in the ER, experiencing severe abdominal pain, when the nurse asked me: “Is there any chance you could be pregnant?”

It was January 2018, the year I was turning 40 and my fiancé David, who was sitting next to me, was nearing 47. Pregnancy hadn’t even crossed our minds. I had been taking the contraceptive pill for years.

The nurse insisted on doing a routine pregnancy test, before I had an X-ray at the hospital in West Sussex, England. I gave her the urine sample and didn’t think any more of it until she returned and told us it was faintly positive. A subsequent blood test was carried out, again showing low levels of the pregnancy hormone HCG—too low to be definitive, but slightly elevated nonetheless.

My partner and I both looked at each other, the revelation completely taking us by surprise. What did faintly positive mean? Was I pregnant or not? Why did it hurt so much? A whirlwind of emotion all wrapped up in the pain I was experiencing.

I was scared, as, if I was pregnant, I felt my body wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t taking folic acid, which is advised prior to pregnancy to prevent birth defects, as the risk of chromosomal abnormality increases with maternal age—particularly for women aged 40 and above.

I was eventually discharged with no further answers and an appointment to return 48 hours later.

I returned for blood tests and an internal scan, and the report declared I had a Pregnancy of Unknown Location—no pregnancy had been visible inside or outside of my womb. This could have been because: it was too early to confirm the pregnancy, it was an ectopic pregnancy, a miscarriage, or my hormone levels were not rising and falling as expected. I was sent home for two weeks, and returned to work.

Those two weeks seemed like an eternity. I was anxiously waiting for a miscarriage or something to happen. I’d never been pregnant before, and David and I were open to the idea of having children, but it was all new and alien to me. I was in limbo: I couldn’t feel excited or sad.

Many of my friends had only just started having families, or they were still waiting, so I was not the only one. Times are changing. I’m a great believer in the old Irish proverb: “What’s meant for you, won’t pass you by.”

I was acutely aware that my mom was living on borrowed time with advanced stage ovarian cancer. This made me stop and think seriously about how important it would be for me to have children of my own and for them to meet my mum. We had such a close bond and I wanted to replicate that if I could.

I hadn’t experienced any heavy bleeding during the two-week period and the pain had subsided. Viability was still an option, so David jokingly referenced pregnancy with twins in the car on our way to the hospital. We both chimed in unison, “Could you imagine?” Little did we know…

During my internal scan, there was a gasp of delight from the sonographer. The pregnancy was viable, there was a little heartbeat within a gestational sac. A moment lanter, the sonographer and gynecologist turned to us with even bigger smiles and announced that there were not one but two heartbeats.

It was a moment I’ll never forget. I remember us all laughing, myself and David nervously so. I think we were in shock. We went into the appointment with a glimmer of one baby and we were leaving with two. It was definitely a “wow” moment.

The “how” moment soon followed. How were we going to manage two babies without a family network close by? What about work? I was a Chief Commercial Officer. It all felt surreal and it took a while for the reality to sink in. It was certainly one way of starting a new decade in my life.

I went straight from the hospital back to work. Business as usual, but feeling a cocktail of a certain thrill, gratitude and fear. I was going to be a mum, a “geriatric” one at that, although I hate that term. It holds such a negative connotation. It was the first time in my life the phrase “older woman” was being used when referring to me. I didn’t feel like an older woman. In my eyes, 40 was young.

I knew I could do this. That’s the benefit of age: you are older and wiser, and equipped with life experience to take on the challenge.

I was dying to tell everyone but we were conscious it was still early days and that anything could happen. We decided to hold our news until I was further along. I also needed time to process what was happening as I knew my whole world was about to be turned upside down and inside out.

But nearly 12 weeks, and armed with a visible bump, it was time to share the joy with both families. Everyone was surprised and ecstatic. David’s daughter, Abbie, was so supportive. Extended family and friends were also thrilled for us and the banter about “double trouble” and being geriatric parents began.

It was originally believed that we were having identical twins so I had the privilege of ultrasound scans every two weeks. Identical twins share a placenta so are at greater risk. Those regular appointments kept me reassured. I couldn’t imagine having to wait extended periods of time to track their progress.

I had a difficult pregnancy and more than my fair share of scares, hospital visits and hospital stays. The morning sickness was delivered in double doses. As the babies grew, so too did the pains and aches, and it hurt me to move. I suffered a number of terrifying bleeds, where we were fearful we could lose the babies. At one stage, I had to have a biopsy on a polyp that had developed in my cervix, which was so frightening, although thankfully the results were benign. Even so, I can safely say my pregnancy was a baptism of fire. I won’t be putting myself through that ever again.

We learned the twins were not sharing a placenta, making them fraternal twins, and we found out we were having a boy and a girl. It was like winning the jackpot, one of the best milestone birthday gifts ever. We couldn’t wait to meet them.

When I turned 40, my bump was huge and ever-growing. I was waddling instead of walking. We marked the occasion in the most relaxed way we could at home with our family, and I decided the wild party could wait for my 50th. The twins were excitement enough.

The twins arrived prematurely at 36 weeks in September by C-Section, a necessary option given the complications I was having. Bringing my twins to term and delivering them safely is by far one of my greatest accomplishments. It’s by far the hardest job I’ve ever had and yet the most rewarding. They made it, surviving against so many odds.

Being a mother to twins is the gift that keeps on giving: double the blessing and double the love. I have experienced a whole new level of unconditional love.

In one sense, I’m thankful I waited, as at 40 I was calmer and less phased than I would have been in my younger years. The timing was right for me: I may not have been brave enough to change my life the way I did, and to pivot in my career, had I been younger.

On the flip side, having twins is all-consuming rollercoaster ride with great days and tough days. They have their moments and there are times I do feel my age as a result.

I’m certainly more aware of my own mortality. It’s not just me anymore. The responsibility is life-changing and my priorities are very different to what they were. It is, however, a greater incentive to stay young in every way I can to ensure I’m there to love, support and enjoy them for as long as I possibly can.

Linda Sheehan, 44, lives in West Sussex, England, with her fiancé David Wood and their 4-year-old twins Holly and Harry. Linda is co-owner of La Saucy Salsa, and the founder of Twinspire Me, helping parents of multiples navigate their way from bump back to business.

All views expressed in this article are the author’s own.