A man has been applauded online for prioritizing an expensive bathroom refurbishment project for his wife, over helping his broke brother out financially.
The man took to Reddit to share that he felt his wife deserves to be treated to a new bathroom to relax in.
“My tenth anniversary is coming up and my kids are getting old enough to be a pain in the butt regarding our single bathroom,” the man opened up online.
“I have been saving up and for my tenth anniversary I am getting a bathroom installed in the basement. I am going all out. Well, as all out as I can afford. I am getting a two person tub with jets, in floor heating and a heat lamp so that my wife can dry off and stay warm,” he added.
While his bathroom renovation sounds to be coming along just fine, the man shared that his brother, who is often caught up in some type of financial dilemma, is in need of money and has been pleading for him to help out.
“He has a tendency to live beyond his means,” the man explained.
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“We have similar jobs and salaries but he has a huge house with three and a half bathrooms. He drives a $150,000 truck that he will never use to tow, haul, or go offroad with. His wife’s engagement ring cost as much as my motorcycle,” he added.
The man went on to share that he refused to help his brother out, choosing instead to prioritize his wife and her needs. In response, the man’s brother and even their mother have both turned against him.
“My mom is backing him up. She says that I don’t spend any money so I should have some saved to help out family. She is saying he might have to sell his truck or downsize his home. I told her that’s not really my problem. He makes a little more than I do a year so he should have savings too,” the man explained.
Since it was shared to the social media platform in January by Individual_Poem7543, the post, which can be seen here, has been commented on by over 2,600 users, with most backing the Redditor for guarding his finances from his irresponsible brother.
“All the reasons you cited are additional points for why you’re not in the wrong,” one user wrote. “Ultimately, even without any mitigating factors your savings are yours and you don’t owe anyone a loan or gift, since it sounds unlikely he’d be able to pay you back,” they added.
Should You Always Prioritize Your Partner?
Licensed psychotherapist and radio talk show host James Miller weighed the situation up to Newsweek. Miller argued that it’s crucial for couples to prioritize their partner’s needs and respect the boundaries of their relationship.
“When a relationship is thriving, both parties focus on what the relationship needs, not necessarily what the other person needs,” Miller said, backing the man’s choice of his wife over his sibling.
“When both parties are focused on keeping the relationship up, it shows honor and respect for their relationship. This means that when the couple is away from the other, their actions, thoughts, and interactions all honor the relationship. If they are not doing this, they are not prioritizing the relationship but focusing on their individual needs,” he added.
Miller went on to say that in relationships, both parties should demonstrate their ‘relationship persona’. That means that they are accountable to the relationship in how they act, present, their activities, and their monetary choices.
“Conversely, people who do not prioritize their relationship revert to their “bachelor/ette persona,” the psychotherapist explained.
“This persona puts their needs first and doesn’t take heed to keep the relationship aloft; it focuses on individual needs, heedless of how it affects the relationship,” he added.
Miller says that while each person in a relationship should have a sense of independence through hobbies or friends, they should still maintain a firm foundation on which the relationship can thrive. If either party doesn’t have any individual pursuits or interests, there is a risk of the relationship becoming co-dependent, Miller warns.
The psychotherapist argued that although prioritizing a spouse can look different depending on the relationship, it’s always healthiest to prioritize the relationship and what the relationship needs.
“When both parties successfully do this, the need to prioritize the spouse declines significantly as both people are secure in their attachment and relationship,” he concluded.
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